Happiness Engineering is my prime motivation in life. Happiness for me, my family and others. If I can contribute to someone making a positive step in life, then I will have succeeded in my goal.
It’s National Depression Awareness week as I write this (April 18th – 24th 2016), an initiative I wholeheartedly applaud. For my part, I have always been open with friends, colleagues and bosses about my experiences with the black dog for a number of reasons...
The reasons include -
- Being strong and brave enough to share my reality with others gives me control rather than the other way around
-Allowing others to see that a successful, independent, caring and fun loving individual experiences depression, helps them open up and start to confront their situation
Contemplating how NLP may help me in my quest, it occurs to me that there are many concepts and techniques which, when put into daily habits, are incredibly useful for taking control and taming the beast.
Here are some lessons I have learned over the years which have helped me to become a stronger version of myself.
The map is not the territory; back to basics, we each have our own map of reality and this influences how we interact with others and ourselves on a daily basis. Using NLP to review this map has definitely helped me adjust my reality and allowed me to further embrace the adventure of life rather than letting it control me and make me anxious.
Framing; start relationships by defining needs, requirements, boundaries and expectations on both sides. With uncertainty comes a level of assumptions and anxiety. I have planned to remove as much of this as possible by asking my stakeholders about their expectations and how to get the best out of them as individuals. In return, I have told them what I need to perform successfully. With a virtual contract and transparency in place, each party has the opportunity to revert back to this to settle any crucial conversations which may arise over time.
For those of you who watch “The Big Bang Theory”, Sheldon practices this with The Roommate Agreement although I think we can all agree that we needn’t go this far and always include the other persons’ perspective!
Beliefs; with NLP, I often consider two types of beliefs to understand how I feel and where I would actually like to focus my (sometimes low-level) energy. These beliefs can be categorised as Useful or Limiting. For example,
-Limiting; I am too tired and cannot get out of bed in the morning
-Useful; I will get out of bed in the morning, get dressed and go to the gym
Which belief do you think is most beneficial for my state of mind, success and happiness?
Each useful belief helps me recalibrate my present self-worth and the second clause (get dressed and go to the gym) allows me to believe that I can stretch myself to attain stronger and stronger goals each time. As with everything in life, I believe in little steps so if you fancy giving this a go, work on something small like in the example above. Beliefs are deeply embedded in us and I have learned to take one small limiting belief at a time, flip it on its head to a useful one and in this way inch towards a happier and happier life.
Useful States; this technique is pure magic! I have a little black e-book of useful states built up over time and continue to evolve as I hear or see new words and states. I find that saying any of the words out loud or in my head makes me instantly feel that way. I pick three and they become my mantra to get me through a specific anticipated period or interaction.
I find that allowing words to pop into your head unbidden delivers the most useful states for the here and now.
Which three words materialise if you consider the most useful states for you to be feeling right now? Mine would be relaxed, thoughtful and considerate.
That’s all for now, if you’d like more information, please get in touch via the contact form below.
The Holistic Life Coach
Holistic & Natural Solutions for Health and Wellbeing