A Bouquet of April Thoughts

​Rather like Spring, with a bulb shooting up here and a daffodil blooming there and magnolia majestically bursting forth, I have a selection of happenings to share, which I hope will provide you with some useful gems.
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The first happening was a conversation with a lady who spoke to me after a presentation I had given on 'SOS Resilience Strategies', she asked me what to do about a person who had badly wronged her years ago, and every night she re- experienced the hurt and anger. Her eyes filled with tears as she told me, I could see how very hurt she was.

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As gently as I could I said that the past IS past and that every night she was the only person giving it life and bringing it into the now. 'Who are you hurting most?' I asked, she looked at me, initially a bit surprised as she realised the answer was 'Myself!' We discussed that the person who hurt her was probably merrily going on their way and that on a daily basis she was continuing to give them negative power over her– ouch! Was that what she wanted? NO! I suggested that every night as the recollection creeps in she let it go this would be the best thing she could do for her own wellbeing. 

'How can I do that?' she inquired. Long term habits are not often changed overnight, so I suggested that whenever that memory came to visit, she wrap it in a lovely iridescent bubble and gently blow it away. If it comes back, just do it again and keep doing it every time it returns. 

Next you need something positive to put in its place, I asked her what she had to look forward to and she was planning a holiday. Fill your thoughts with happy holiday plans, anything positive in your life, focus on them as you go to sleep. She looked so relieved after our chat.
 
Which leads me to forgiveness.
In another related happening the person said, 'How CAN I forgive them, what they did was SO very bad.' Let me ask, how do you feel if you are full of resentment and anger and bitter feelings? How good do you think that is for your overall health and wellbeing?  Not good is the answer! In fact what you are inadvertently doing is giving power to those who already hurt you in the past so they may continue to hurt you in the now. Take the high ground! Be in control of you!  Make a conscience choice to replace those feelings. You will find it really liberating and wonder why you carried the weight of the hurt for so long. On page 230 of the Mind Chi book, we have a specifically applied Mind Chi activity for forgiveness.

How can I forget?
Tied in to this topic another person came to me to discuss how to forget.
My Mother used to say that we don't need any classes on how to forget, we are all very good at it - mostly, unless it is something that we want to forget! Really horrid things that we may have experienced can sometimes haunt us. 
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They usually are very full of emotions and seem to bombard us when we do not want them. Here are a few steps which can help re-prioritise that memory. Notice I say re-prioritise – we can’t ever forget it, and it is a part of us, something that taught us a big lesson, what we want is to allow it to grow cobwebs and move to the back corner of our memory attic. Here are 8 steps for you to try:

1. Actually look at the memory, maybe have a cry or get angry – allow it to BE. Then say, that was back then, and here we are now, alive and the memory is past. It has been found that by acknowledging the incident, rather than trying to push it away, the old memory loses its power. Do this on a day you are feeling strong.
2. Explore if any good came from the incident. Many people say they are now stronger, more resilient and less afraid – pull any advantages you can and thank the incident for them.
3. If appropriate, talk to someone about it, a good listener friend. They don’t need to ‘fix’ anything, just be with you and listen with love in their hearts – wonderfully therapeutic!
4. Make and keep yourself as physically healthy with good food, exercise and sleep. All these things give you the additional strength to forget and move on.
5. Bit of a delicate one, but ask yourself honestly, do you find some advantages to keeping hold of the bad memory? I had an experience where a lady was involved in a bad accident which killed her husband and she was often asked on TV and radio shows to talk about it. She said to me, ‘Well, I will become a ‘nobody’ again if I forget this!’ Happily, she has now moved on and is content with her now self.
6. Keep busy, help others. Tune in to when you speak, is it more about others than yourself? Develop a genuine interest in other people – everyone has an amazing story if you are willing to hear it.
7. Write it out! All the way from journal writing and then either putting it away safely or burning it, whichever makes you feel better to considering if it would make a book or a film!? When I was going through a particularly tough time, I would look up to where I imagined a camera in the room and say ‘Are you getting the full heart wrenching emotion of this moment?’ Who would play the leading roles?
8. Be gentle with yourself, love who you are today and all you can contribute. This incident has improved your wisdom and empathy, might you be able to use that to help another person?

 
Women stress more than men.
And the final blossom in our shared spring garden is the research which says that women stress more over current affairs, life, politics, housework, every day stuff than men do! Men are better at putting things in boxes in their brains and dealing with them one at a time. Women tend to see how everything affects everything else and make it one big hairy stressing ball. As the song went in ‘My fair lady’ – ‘Why can’t a lady be more like a man?’ – and in this case, it is a very good idea! Pick just one area and ‘try it on’ for a week, let us know what happens please.
Realistic Positivism and Joy ways written by
 
Vanda North

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